These days, we're in the middle of this great debate: whether to be a pushy or a pushover parent.
It all started when Riju decided to quit the cricket coaching club. A couple of months previously, he had stopped his art lessons. It was in January this year that he expressed his wish to learn how to draw, and in March, he pleaded with us to enrol him in a cricket coaching club. For the first 11 years of his life, his extra-curricular activities were limited to watching television, playing computer games, and reading, mostly Geronimo Stilton and airlines magazines (don't ask). We were determined to let him be, even if that meant drawing flak for not 'honing' his talents.
Then, to our delight, he wanted to learn something outside of school. But after only about 6-odd months, he dropped both activities like hot potatoes. And left us agonizing over whether we should force him to carry on or allow him to choose what he wants to do.
The arguments for forcing is that an 11-year-old is not expected to know what is good for him. While he may not quite make the India team, but regular physical exercise in the coaching camp will make him fitter -- a good thing in the long run, no? Or, his interest in art may be renewed after a year or so and his talent will get the prominence it deserves.
There's also the discipline angle. Are we tacitly encouraging Riju to be a quitter? Are we spoiling him by giving in to his wishes? This angle is particularly tricky. We, the new-age parents, live in constant fear of sparing the rod and spoiling the child. Yet corporal punishment seems rather unfair and harsh: just because we are bigger (in size), we can't go around intimidating little ones. That's bullying. And don't you dare compare with our parents, uncles, grandparents, etc. Times were different then, and how!
The case for being a pushover parent is closer to my heart: How can you force a child to learn something he doesn't want to? My disastrous forays into learning music is still fresh in my mind. I hated it after the first 6 months, especially when I had to appear for exams! My elder brother, who was coerced into learning music with me, rebelled big time when he saw that he was the only (teenaged) guy amidst a gaggle of young girls in the music class. My father-in-law tried hard to make his son learn guitar, but his son gave up midway, like so many of us. The twist in the tale is, though neither me nor my brother never want to take another music lesson in our lives, Dhiman regrets the fact that his parents did not push him enough to learn guitar, or swimming.
At the moment, we have stopped arguing with Riju. Instead, I gave him a list of other things he can learn. He is still considering. Under which header does our behaviour fall -- pushy or pushover? Not quite sure, but whatever it is, it sure adds another twist in the crazy little thing called parenting.
It all started when Riju decided to quit the cricket coaching club. A couple of months previously, he had stopped his art lessons. It was in January this year that he expressed his wish to learn how to draw, and in March, he pleaded with us to enrol him in a cricket coaching club. For the first 11 years of his life, his extra-curricular activities were limited to watching television, playing computer games, and reading, mostly Geronimo Stilton and airlines magazines (don't ask). We were determined to let him be, even if that meant drawing flak for not 'honing' his talents.
Then, to our delight, he wanted to learn something outside of school. But after only about 6-odd months, he dropped both activities like hot potatoes. And left us agonizing over whether we should force him to carry on or allow him to choose what he wants to do.
The arguments for forcing is that an 11-year-old is not expected to know what is good for him. While he may not quite make the India team, but regular physical exercise in the coaching camp will make him fitter -- a good thing in the long run, no? Or, his interest in art may be renewed after a year or so and his talent will get the prominence it deserves.
There's also the discipline angle. Are we tacitly encouraging Riju to be a quitter? Are we spoiling him by giving in to his wishes? This angle is particularly tricky. We, the new-age parents, live in constant fear of sparing the rod and spoiling the child. Yet corporal punishment seems rather unfair and harsh: just because we are bigger (in size), we can't go around intimidating little ones. That's bullying. And don't you dare compare with our parents, uncles, grandparents, etc. Times were different then, and how!
The case for being a pushover parent is closer to my heart: How can you force a child to learn something he doesn't want to? My disastrous forays into learning music is still fresh in my mind. I hated it after the first 6 months, especially when I had to appear for exams! My elder brother, who was coerced into learning music with me, rebelled big time when he saw that he was the only (teenaged) guy amidst a gaggle of young girls in the music class. My father-in-law tried hard to make his son learn guitar, but his son gave up midway, like so many of us. The twist in the tale is, though neither me nor my brother never want to take another music lesson in our lives, Dhiman regrets the fact that his parents did not push him enough to learn guitar, or swimming.
At the moment, we have stopped arguing with Riju. Instead, I gave him a list of other things he can learn. He is still considering. Under which header does our behaviour fall -- pushy or pushover? Not quite sure, but whatever it is, it sure adds another twist in the crazy little thing called parenting.
